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Title: Wurst Lube, Ever!
Challenge: Holiday Winter Challenge - 31 Fics in 31 Days (Simple)
Rating: OT
Summary: Prussia decides to make a new flavored lube...
Author’s note: Also written for Hentai Contest’s Hentai Holidays. Also special thanks to my beta, Jen, for pointing me in the right direction with this...
Word Count: 666

For Kat…

On the eighth day of Hentai Holidays, my true love gave to me, some flavored lube…

Prussia rubbed his hands together, grinning madly while he did so. His brother, Germany, was spending the weekend at Italy’s house which meant he had the whole house to himself, but more importantly he had the kitchen. “Time to begin, Gilbird,” he said to the little yellow bird perched on his shoulder. “This is simply going to be awesome!”

He puttered about the kitchen, gathering the things he needed. Taking the blender out of the cabinet, he took a couple spoons of lard and dumped it inside. Then he grabbed the package of wursts he had got from the butchery. “It’s now or never, my friend,” he muttered as he put a wurst in the blender.

Gilbird cheeped in agreement.

Prussia licked his lips. “You know if this works…” He turned the blender on. “Verdammt!” he swore as little bits of his concoction flew everywhere. He shut it off as fast as he could, glaring at Gildbird, who peeped at him from the relative safety of the top of the upper cabinets. Putting the top on, he turned the blender back on. Prussia watched as the contents formed into a chunky mess. Undaunted, he added a few spoons of water to the mixture. It helped… just barely turning the mixture into a puree that resembled baby food.

Turning the blender off, Prussia decided to give it a taste, figuring he could work on the consistency once he got that down. Sticking his finger in the puree, he pulled it out and popped in his mouth. Instead of tasting awesome, Prussia thought it tasted like shit. He dumped the mess into the dogs’ bowls and sat there and thought. The dogs eagerly devoured the mess and Prussia grinned now that his “clean-up crew” had arrived.

“You three are here to help with a momentous occasion, okay?” Prussia said to the dogs like he was addressing his troops.

Blackie barked at him.

“That’s right; you have the important job of getting rid of all the failures, which shouldn’t be too many, seeing how awesome I am.”

Since his first try was an utter failure, Prussia was convinced his second would be met with success. He knew first hand that even his favorite boss, Old Fritz, had the odd setback. So he repeated his initial failure, and put it in a pan to heat up, thinking it would taste better if the wursts were cooked. While this latest batch of lube cooked, he wondered if it was going to work, but just in case it did not, he needed to come up with a backup plan.

So Prussia sat there and thought about it. Feeling a bit hungry, he decided to cook up a couple of wursts, when he had a Eureka moment. What if he cooked some wursts and drained the fat off into some of the lard? That would give him the taste he wanted, while maintaining the soft creaminess of the lard. While frying the wursts, Prussia wondered if it would improve things if he added some beer to the pan. He knew from watching both his brother and France cook, that a little alcohol often intensified the flavor of things. Grabbing a cold one from the fridge, Prussia opened it and poured a bit into the frying pan. The rest of the beer he drank.

“Listen up, troops, I think we have a winner here,” Prussia said as the smell of fried wursts wafted into the air. When the wursts were done, he poured the drippings into a bowl of lard, which melted, giving him enough softness to mix it all the way through. While that congealed, Prussia ate the sausages.

When he finished, Prussia stuck his finger into the homemade lube, pulled it out, and tasted it. “What the fuck?!” He swore in German, when it suddenly hit him. Lube was not supposed to taste good, ever…


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 29th, 2012 12:23 pm (UTC)
My stomach hurts from laughing too hard...
Dec. 29th, 2012 06:14 pm (UTC)
XD Sorry... ^^;
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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