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Cross-posted from Fanfic Bake-off

Title: Rules of Engagement
Fandom: Hetalia
Author: kira
Words: 629
Characters: France, England
Rating: Older Teen for drinking & France being France
Summary: England gives France a list of rules concerning their relationship…
Author’s note: Special thanks to my beta, Jen, for helping me find an ending.

For Kat…

"Follow these rules and we'll get along fine,” England said to France. He handed his fellow country a piece of paper that had a list of rules defining their relationship. Picking up his pint glass of beer, he drank form it. “That means no inappropriate touching, no sexual innuendos, not lewd behavior, no-”

France cut him off mid sentence. “Sure, mon chéri, anything you say.” He leaned in and rubbed noses with England, who backed away, sputtering.

“Listen, you daft bugger! Weren’t you paying attention to what I just said?!”

France smiled and England felt his cheeks heating up. “You know, mon chéri, you’d be a lot happier if you followed my rules.”

“Oh really?” England picked up his pint glass and drank his beer.

“Yes…” France picked up his wine glass and drank. “The most important rule of all is,” he paused for dramatic effect, “to simply… love. Do everything, mon chéri, with love and life will be so much more pleasant.” France sipped his wine. “And you won’t so… how do you say?” He made an up and down motion with a closed fist. “Hmmm?”

England turned beet red and nearly choked on his beer.

France reached out to pat him on the back. “Are you alright?”

England nodded. He tensed when he realized France’s hand had remained on his back.

“Anyway, mon chéri, if it’ll make you happy, I’ll follow your silly rules.”

“You will?”

“But of course.” France smiled.

“Hmmm… Maybe you’re not such a bad bloke after all.”

“Friends?” France leaned his head against England’s.

“Yeah…” England reluctantly agreed as he pushed his friend upright. Turning his head to look at France, he was about to say something else, when France leaned in and kissed him. “Bloody hell!! What’s the matter with you, you stupid git?!”

France chuckled. “Nothing… It’s just that you looked so cute, mon chéri, that I couldn’t resist stealing a kiss.”

“This is what I meant about you following my rules!!”

“And that’s what I meant about following mine, but if it makes you happy, I’ll try to behave.”

England, who did not believe him, nodded anyway. “Good.” He finished his beer. “Now hurry up,” he said, indicating France’s glass of wine, “the next round’s on you.”

France sipped his wine, and calling over a barmaid, he ordered another round. They drank in companionable silence, punctuated by the occasional bit of small talk. Things were going really well too. England was finally beginning to relax and enjoy his beer, France simply drank and smoked. It was while he was reaching for an “empty” glass to put his cigarette out in after England yelled at him, that he knocked over his wine glass. The dark purplish red liquid cascaded over the tabletop straight for England’s lap. “Désolé!”

“What the hell?! You stupid bloody git!!”England cried.

France grabbed England’s list of rules, and using it like a napkin, his tried his best to soak up as much wine as he could with it.

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

“I’m sorry, mon chéri! It was an accident!” France continued wiping his friend’s lap.

England pushed him away, and calling over a barmaid, he explained the situation as calmly as he could. She returned a few minutes later along with several bar towels that she gave him. Once the situation was under control, France took a good look at what he had been using as a napkin and laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“It seems, mon chéri, that your rules are illegible.” France smirked. “From now on I think we should just follow mine, since they’re easy to remember without writing them down.” When England sputtered wordlessly, France took it as a “yes” and leaning in, he kissed him to seal the deal.


the Duchess of Crack! and the Queen of Fluff

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