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Cross-posted from Hentai Contest


Title: Operation Cupid, Part One
Fandom: Hetalia
Author: kira
Chars/Pairs: Francis Bonnefoy (France), Antonio “Tony” Carriedo (Spain), Gilbert Beilschmidt (Prussia)
Genres: buddy fic
Warnings: none
Word Count: 666
Summary: Human AU, while hanging out at Francis’ house, drinking, Gilbert brings up his brother’s romantic misadventures and “Operation Cupid” is born…
Author’s note: Thanks to my beta Jen, for looking this over and helping me with the title…
Author’s note 2: A “Kick in the Pants” is a real drink invented by B. Joseph. It contains 1½ Siegert’s rum, ½ oz fresh lime juice, 1 oz Forbidden Fruit Liqueur, and 4 dashes of Angostura bitters, shaken with ice and strained into a cocktail glass.

“It’s called a ‘kick in the pants’,” Francis said to his friends as he poured rum, lime juice, Forbidden Fruit liqueur, and a couple dashes of Angostura bitters into a shaker filled with ice. He shook it, and grabbing a strainer, he filled a couple of cocktail glasses with it. “What do you think?”

Tony took a cautious sip. “Not bad.”

Gilbert sniffed his drink. “Is this another one of your sissy drinks with awesome names, like ‘sex on the beach’?” He drank some.

Francis made himself one. “What’s wrong with sex on the beach?”

“Nothing, as long as the chick is hot and your ass doesn’t get burned,” Gilbert said.

Tony tried hard not to laugh. “I’m sorry, Gil, going to that nude beach was my idea. Besides, who knew you’d still get sunburned that late in the afternoon?”

“Tony, look at me, I’m whiter than white. Of course I’m gonna get sunburned.”

“He’s got a point, Tony,” Francis said. “I bet our Gilbert would get sunburned at midnight.”

“You bet your ass I would!”

They laughed. Francis refilled their glasses. The three friends lapsed into companionable silence, broken only by the sounds of people drinking, and nibbling on the savories that Francis had set out to soak up some of the alcohol. It was a typical night out as hosted by Francis, with cocktails and fancy finger food, unlike the ones hosted by Gilbert, who preferred beer and porn, or ones hosted by Tony, which centered around the sporting event of the week, a good bottle of wine, and an even better dinner.

Gilbert finished his drink. He chuckled softly to himself. Grinning, he reached for more of the little goat cheese popovers. Het ate one while Francis refilled his glass.

“What’s so funny, mon ami?” Francis smiled. “Another one, Tony?”

“Please.” He held out his glass and his friend refilled it. “You gonna tell us what’s so funny, Gil?”

Gilbert nodded. “My brother.”

“What about Louie?” Francis asked.

“I was thinking he’s so far in the closet, even the monsters that hide in there can’t get him to come out.”

They laughed.

“Yup, my baby bro’s been sailing down de Nile for so long; I’m amazed he hasn’t been eaten by a crocodile. Seriously, I wonder why Feli even puts up with him. I mean how many hints can the guy drop, before my brother gets it?” Gilbert sighed. “I know they go to bed together, but they don’t sleep together, if you know what I mean.”

“You do?”

Gilbert nodded. “Feli told me. Hell, Feli said he even sleeps naked with my brother, and the idiot just lies there like a dead fish.”

“Maybe your brother needs a kick in the pants,” Tony said.

“As good as this is,” Gilbert held up his glass, “I think it’s going to take a lot more than a drink to get him to realize what he’s got with Feli.”

Tony laughed. “That’s not what I meant, but yeah.”

“Then what?”

“He needs a wake-up call, you know, something that’ll put the fear of God in him that Feli’s gonna leave him if he’s not careful,” Tony said.

“Like what?” Gilbert sighed. “How does someone as awesome as me, end with such a loser for a brother?”

“There, there, mon ami.” Francis patted his friend’s back. “No mere mortal can be as awesome as you are.”

Gilbert snorted.

“Hey, Gil, has Feli actually come out and told Ludwig how he feels?”

“You know, Tony, I have no idea if he has or hasn’t, why?”

“It’d be a real kick in the pants if he hasn’t. I mean, how’s Ludwig supposed to know how Feli feels if he doesn’t tell him,” Tony said.

Gilbert laughed. “Well, Feli’s not that bright…”

“And neither is Louie, no offence, Gilbert,” Francis said.

“None taken. So being the awesome big brother I am, let’s meet tomorrow for coffee and ‘Operation Cupid’.”

“Sounds like a plan, Gil.”

“To Operation Cupid!” They drank.


the Duchess of Crack! and the Queen of Fluff

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