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Cross-posted from Hetachallenge

Title: I’ve Got a Secret
Author: kira
Claim: Prussia
Character(s): Prussia, Frederick II
Table/Prompt: Angst/ Prompt # 16: Secret
Word Count: 398
Rating: M
Summary: Prussia has a secret…
Author’s note: Thanks go out to my beta, Jen, for looking this over.

“Fritz?” Prussia said as they walked through the palace grounds of the Crown Prince’s home in Rheinsburg. The two stopped to admire the view of the Rhin. The river’s waters were as smooth as glass and the view in general was spectacular. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Gilbert,” he said, giving his friend’s name a French lilt. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, for one thing, you’ve only been married a month and already I’m invited to come see your new home and for another, you’re barely civil to your wife. You two have a fight or something?”

Frederick sighed. “It’s no secret I don’t particularly like her, Gilbert.” He held up his hand, silencing Prussia’s objections. “I know she’s sweet and charming, and no, she really isn’t a harpy,” he added at the look on his friend’s face. “But she’s my father’s choice, not mine.”

“Like you’d be any happier with the Austrian bitch,” Prussia smirked.

Frederick grinned. “At least with her, I’d have a chance of being Holy Roman Emperor along with being King of Prussia. Just think of the size of my future kingdom.”

Prussia nodded. “True, but you know what they say about Maria Theresa.”

That piqued the Crown Prince’s interest. “What?”

“That she wears breeches under her petticoats and likes to ride her husband like a war stallion in bed.”

Frederick laughed. “If she can get him to stand at attention,” he grabbed his crotch, “then I see no reason why she shouldn’t do all the work.”

“Let me let you in on a lil secret, Fritz.”


“It’s more fun when a woman lies back and spreads her thighs, and lets you pound away at her.” Prussia winked. Although, he only had limited experience in that area and was merely repeating what he had heard.

“Not my wife!” The crown prince laughed. “I swear, Gilbert, on my wedding night, it was like bedding a nun! She started to cry when I lifted her nightgown to have a look and nearly fainted when I took off my shirt and opened my breeches.” He made a little sound of disgust.

“Not like those Polish whores, hunh?”

Frederick chuckled. “Yeah.” He sighed softly as his expression darkened. “Is this why men have mistresses? Or prefer the company of men like my brother, Henry?”

“Possibly…” Prussia replied, wondering where this was headed.

Frederick shrugged. “You want to go riding?” he said, changing the subject.

“Riding what?” Prussia grinned as the Crown Prince rolled his eyes.

“Anything but my wife,” Frederick said. He sighed and before Prussia could ask what was wrong, he added somewhat petulantly, “You know, when and if I ever become king, I think I’d like a nice little palace of my own, far from court, and more importantly, a place where my future queen isn’t invited unless I say so.”

“Things are that bad between you?” Prussia said.

Frederick shrugged again.

“I’m sorry, Fritz, but I doubt if your choice would have been any better.”

“I know, I just…” He sighed. Forcing a smile on his face, Frederick said, “At least I’m away from my father.”

“That’s true.” They began walking down to the banks of Rhin in companionable silence, until Prussia broke it. “Fritz?’


“I have a secret to tell you a-and it’s going to sound a bit crazy, but I want you to hear me out, okay?”

“What is it, Gilbert?’ Fear at losing his friend clearly written on his face. Frederick had very few friends and each one was precious to him, unless they had had a falling out. “I know you don’t like Voltaire…”

“It has nothing to do with Voltaire, Fritz, and everything to do with me.”

“What do you mean?” Frederick abruptly stopped walking.

Prussia, a few paces ahead, paused as well. He turned to face him and said, “Relax, Fritz, it’s nothing bad. It’s just…” Prussia frowned as he tried to figure out how to put it. “I’m not what you think I am,” he finally said.

“Hunh?” Frederick also frowned. “What do you mean, Gilbert?”

“Think about it, I haven’t changed a bit in all the years you’ve known me, right? Remember how I became your tutor? That was what? Some twenty years ago?”


“Well, I really only came into my own when your father took the throne and Fritz…”


“Well, I looked pretty much the same as I do now.”

“That’s impossible, Gilbert!” Frederick shook his head. “I know you’re a good story teller, but please, I’m not a child anymore.”

“I’m serious, Fritz. The reason I look the way I do, is cuz, I’m not really a man.”

Frederick snorted. “I’ve seen you without your clothes, and you can’t tell me you’e a woman, Gilbert!” He laughed.

“Those Polish whores again,” Prussia chuckled. “Honestly, while I look like a man, act like a man, and what have you, I’m really the spirit of the land and its people. Well, maybe the masculine half and my sister the feminine, but that’s all I am. And sadly Fritz, while you’ll grow older, I won’t.”


Prussia nodded. “I kinda popped into being when the Teutonic Knights formed and settled in the area. I only really became Prussia when the area became a duchy.”

“So you’re not really Gilbert Beilschmidt?” Frederick frowned. He felt somewhat hurt as well as he felt he had been lied to.

“No, I’m still Gilbert Beilschmidt, that’s what I’ll be to men and women like yourself, but to others of my kind, I’m Prussia.”

“There are more like you?”

Prussia nodded. “You’ve met Poland, remember when we went to Poland and met the whores at the party?”

“Poland’s a whore?”


“Then who was he or she?”

“He was that rather strange man you thought was drunk.”

“Oh good Lord! Not the one who wanted to see my cock and then asked if I’d like to suck his?!” Frederick’s eyes went wide when the memory hit him.

“That’s him.” Prussia chuckled.

“Amazing… Does anyone else know?”

“No, we tend to reveal ourselves only to our bosses.”

“So my father knows?”

“Maybe I should have made that clearer. We only reveal ourselves to those bosses we like or know can handle the information.”


“And, Fritz.”


“It’s still a secret. I mean you can tell Voltaire for all I care, but he’s not going to believe and most people will probably think you’re mad for insisting I’m Prussia rather than your humble friend, Gilbert Beilschmidt.”

“Wait a minute… I’m only the crown prince, unless you know something I don’t?”

“If you’re asking if you’re father’s still alive, then yes, that bastard’s still alive and kicking.” Prussia sighed. “I’m only telling you now cuz when the time comes, I hope I can still remain by your side and help you be a good king and a better man.”

Frederick smiled. Clapping his friend on the shoulder, he said, “You’ll always be my friend, Gilbert, or should I say ‘Prussia’?” Perhaps if I humor him, he’ll eventually tell me it was all just a prank he was playing, to get me to spend less time with him and more with my wife…

“Gilbert’s fine. In fact, you probably should always refer to me as such, as you don’t want people wondering if you’re,” he flicked the Crown Prince on his forehead, “touched in the head.” You don’t believe me, do you, Fritz…? Oh well… maybe when you’re older, you will, when it finally sinks in that I haven’t aged one bit…

“Okay,” Frederick laughed. “Come, let’s go riding!”

“Sure and, Fritz?”


“I know it’s a lot to think about, but you can always come to me if something’s troubling you.”

“I know, and I’m grateful for it, Gilbert, but right now, I want to enjoy a pleasant afternoon, riding, with my friend.”

“Fair enough,” Prussia said as the two of them headed back up the river bank and towards the stables.


the Duchess of Crack! and the Queen of Fluff

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