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Halloween Bingo 21

Title: Better than Eddie
Prompt: Makeup
Fandom: Original
Characters: Bernd, Amber, Greta
Word count: 1693
Rating: OT
Summary: Bernd, determined to be a fairy princess at his son’s Halloween party, gets some makeup and attempts to recreate Eddie Izzard’s fairy Princess look…
Author’s note: Thanks to my beta Kat for pinking this for me. Please note that Amber and Greta also belong to her.

Bernd stood in the makeup aisle at the drugstore, trying to figure out what to get. He was dressing up as a fairy princess for Halloween and he decided he needed something else besides the cheap tube of pink lipstick. Amber swore it was enough, but she was a fresh-faced beauty that wore little to no makeup. So armed with a picture of Eddie Izzard dressed in a similar outfit to what he planned on wearing, Bernd stared at the cheap makeup display. The trouble was Mr. Izzard, despite looking rather pale in the picture, was still darker than Bernd. Sighing softly, he glanced over at the hypo-allergenic makeup when inspiration hit. The eye makeup was arranged by eye color. Bernd grabbed a charcoal eyeliner pencil and taking it over to cheap makeup, he found the closest match was pewter. He took it and putting the hypoallergenic pencil back, he looked at the eye shadow. As luck would have it, he managed to find a cheap makeup collection of browns that were similar to the other one. He also grabbed some cheap mascara.

Now all he needed was blush. Unfortunately, the hypoallergenic makeup’s blushes weren’t arranged in a way to make it a no-brainer for him to pick something. Bernd sighed. Abandoning the hypoallergenic makeup, he focused on the cheap makeup choices. There was a dark berry color, a peachy one, and pink, along with something called face powder and bronzer. He grabbed the face powder as it sparked some vague memory of watching his mother putting on makeup and he figured he probably needed it. After narrowing his choices down to pink or peach, Bernd figured the pink would do since everything else was pink, when he spotted the pink eye shadow. He put back the browns and took it and everything else up to the checkout counter.

Bernd was surprised how much that handful of makeup products had cost him. The strange looks he was getting form the old biddy manning the register did not faze him a bit. His wallet some twenty bucks lighter, Bernd left the store to go home and practice putting it on. He got in his car and pulled out of the parking lot. On the way home, he decided to look up a few makeup tutorials online once he got there.

Arriving home, Bernd took the makeup to his home office. He sat down at his computer and searched for makeup tutorials. He found several that looked promising despite being mostly hosted by either cute Asian girls, or British brunettes. A further search turned up a blonde. Bernd decided to start with her. He watched several minutes before he had had enough. She was so vapid, Bernd was amazed she could talk and apply makeup at the same time. Killing that video, he soon found himself looking at one hosted by one of the Asian girls. She was a lot better and after watching it, Bernd felt he could attempt making himself up, but to be on the safe side, he tried another video. That brunette was also helpful, even if she seemed to contradict some of the helpful tips the Asian girl had given. He decided to try one last video and halfway through it, he was convinced this was why Amber rarely wore makeup.

Sighing softly, he closed his laptop and figured he could wing it. A quick trip to the bathroom and he got his shaving mirror, which he set up on his desk. Tilting it towards his face, Bernd stared at his reflection, before reaching for the picture of Eddie Izzard. If he can do it, I can do it… Bernd took the eyeliner pencil, and holding the corner of his eye like the one girl said to do, he drew a line across his lid. It surprisingly was not as bad as he feared. Emboldened by his success, Bernd tried the other eye with mixed results. It was not as good as the first eye, but not really bad. It just didn’t match up. Bernd ran to get some tissues & wiped it off, before trying again. It was better, but still not right. Rather than frustrate himself, he added some eye shadow, smudging the out corners of his eyes in the process. It was a happy accident that worked.

Bernd grinned at his reflection. He carefully added mascara. He liked the way it darkened his pale lashes. A bit of blush on his cheeks and the lipstick on his lips, and Bernd was done. He looked at the picture of Eddie Izzard and the cocky smile that had graced his pink-tinted lips faded. The look he had achieved looked more like the cute Asian girl’s gothic Lolita look, than it did Eddie’s fairy princess. He sighed and wondered of Greta would be able to help him. Just as he was getting up, Amber poked her head in his office.

“Hey, Bernd, you want some lunch?”

Bernd turned around at the sound of his name. “Uh, sure.”

Amber blinked and bit her lip. She tried very hard not to laugh, but images of middle school and girls experimenting with makeup danced in her head. “Ummm…” She gestured at him.

“It’s my fairy princess makeup for Fritz’s Halloween party.” Bernd reached over and picked up his inspiration picture. “I was trying for this, but I think it came more like the lil Asian girl.”

“Oh-kay… I was wondering why you looked like a demented drag queen and now I know why.” She chuckled. “But I think Eddie’s got less liner and more smoky shadow.” She stared at the picture.

“Damn… Can you fix it?”

“Yeah, just wash your face and let’s eat. “

“Then you’ll help me? Afterwards?”

“I can try, but maybe we should ask Greta.”


“So hurry up and wash your face and let’s go.”

“Don’t you think Greta should see it, so she can tell me where I went wrong?”

Bernd looked so hopeful, that Amber did not have the heart to tell him Greta would probably laugh herself silly at his attempt at wearing makeup. “I guess so…” They left his office and headed for the kitchen, despite her unvoiced misgivings.

Greta turned as they entered the kitchen. She looked from to the other and burst out laughing. “I knew it!” she wheezed. “He really is a girl!”

Bernd rolled his eyes.

Amber nodded. “He’s just…” she trailed off into a fit of snort filled laughter.

When she could catch her breath and stop laughing, Greta said, “And the reason you look like a thirteen year old girl experimenting with makeup?”

“It’s for my fairy princess costume…”

Greta started laughing again. “You’re really going to dress up as one?” she chuckled.


“I can’t talk him out of it,” Amber added.

“Okay, and I take it neither one of you can figure out how to apply it?”

Bernd nodded.

“Go wash your face and after lunch I’ll help you.” Greta picked up her lunch and took it over to the table and sat down to eat. As she passed Amber, she said softly, “It’s official; you now have two wives, instead of a wife and a husband.”

“Yeah…” Amber said as continued on her way to the fridge. She quickly made lunch for herself and Bernd. Bringing it to the table, they sat and discussed where Bernd went wrong. “He’s so pale, Greta, you sure he can wear a smoky eye? And eyeliner?”

Greta nodded. “Why not?” She turned to Bernd and said, “And while the pink blush happens to be the right shade for you, the pink shadow makes you look sick. You should have picked charcoal, or pewter eye shadow, Bernd.”

“Yeah? The makeup for blondes had brown eye shadow, but I thought the pink would be better.”

“Yeah… The browns would be nice for blue eyes like yours and mine, but I think since you want more of a smoky eye, grey is better. You’ll see when I get done with you.”


As soon as lunch was finished and the last dish dried and put away, they headed upstairs to Bernd’s office to retrieve his makeup. While he was washing face in the bathroom, Amber headed downstairs to get Greta’s makeup case. His face freshly scrubbed, Greta sent Bernd to go get his office chair. It was a tight fit, but she managed to get him seated in front of the bathroom mirror.

“Now pay attention to what I’m doing in the mirror and less to my tits,” Greta said.

“But they’re such nice boobies.” Bernd reached up to playfully squeeze them.

Greta snorted. “If you behave, we’ll let you play with them later. If not, Amber and I are going to play by ourselves. Understood?” She looked at the picture Eddie Izzard that Amber had handed her.


And so with one eye on the mirror, Bernd did his best to follow along as Greta explained how to get a smoky eye. When she finished, she had him try on the other eye. It took a few tries before Bernd got the hang of it. Satisfied Bernd was as good at it as he was ever going to get, Greta moved onto putting on blush without getting “clown cheeks.”

Two hours later, Bernd was able to do a reasonable job on his face. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, amazed by the pretty androgynous “girl” who stared back at him. “I can’t believe I did this myself,” he said.

“I know,” Amber said. “Greta’s right, I do have two wives,” she teased.

“You really said that?” Bernd turned around in his chair to look at her.

“Yeah. Now be a good little girl and clean up your mess.” Greta held onto Amber. “And hurry up or else we’ll start the party without you!” she said as she and Amber left the bathroom.

Bernd did as he was told. He paused to take one more look at himself in the mirror, before deciding to leave the makeup on. He hurried downstairs to Amber’s room and the fun that awaited him.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 15th, 2015 12:02 pm (UTC)
I had to Google Eddie as a fairy princess and he looks amazing.

Having lived in a college town with a LOT of theatre and dance groups both amateur and professional in addition to the Performing Arts college it seemed odd that the clerk would give him funny look when buying makeup near Halloween but that's definitely one of those your mileage may vary things. In fact the sales girls at Walgreen would have descended on him to help the cute guy find the right makeup.

Dec. 16th, 2015 12:11 am (UTC)
I know, right?! :D

Yeah & they do live in a small town in upstate New York, where he woudl get funny looks. Having pink hair used to get him picked on in college & he went to a local one, so makeup woudl definitely raise some eyebrows. Not that he cares as Bernd has always done his own thing. ;p
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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