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For Kat

Title: Catnado
Characters: Bernd, Amber, James, Cesare, Ashes the cat
Word count: 1615
Rating: PG 13 for beer consumption
Summary: Bernd goes over to his friends’ apartment to watch Sharknado, little do they know they’ve got a storm of their own coming…
Genre: slice of life
Author’s notes: This was written for Kat’s “Shark Week” writing fest and she also betaed it for me. Also please note that Amber and James belong to her.

Bernd excitedly packed his clothes into his backpack. Amber came into his room, carrying a plastic bag containing his toothbrush and toothpaste, a soap container, and a small bottle of shampoo. “Amber, can you toss me my deodorant?” he said as he took the bag from her. He shoved it in the backpack.

Amber grabbed his deodorant off the dresser. “Here.” She handed it to him.

Bernd packed it. “Danke!”

Sharknado, hunh?”

“Yeah!! James said it’s on tonight! Sharknado 2 is on right after it! Cesare’s making wings and we’ve got beer. All I need to do is get my arse over there!” He grinned.

Amber wrapped her arms around him, kissing. “Have fun and say ‘hi’ to James for me.”

“Will do!” Bernd said between kisses. While it was a boys’ night in, he still wished Amber would come. He knew while James wouldn’t mind, Cesare would probably grumble, and then everything would settle down to a fun evening of shark-tastic proportions. He stepped back from his girlfriend, but still held onto to her. “I’ve gotta go.”

“I know! And drive slowly.” She shrugged him off.

“What about the ‘kids’ in the stable?”

“I’ll let them out as soon as I get up. You can muck out the place when you get home.”


Bitte,” Amber said with a smile. “Now go, before they wonder what happened to you.” She picked up his backpack and handed it to him. After giving him a kiss on the cheek, she spun him around and pushed him towards the door. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah…” He stepped into the hallway.

Amber followed. “And don’t worry; Greta and I’ll be just fine.”


They headed downstairs. Amber gave him another playful push at the bottom of the stairs, towards the kitchen. She followed him through it to the mudroom where they made their final goodbyes. She watched through the window as he got into his car and drove off. Peace at last…

Bernd quickly made his way to the apartment complex Amber’s brother James shared with Cesare and Julio. He parked his car and got out. Bernd bounded up the stairs. He rang the bell.

Cesare opened the door. “’bout time you got here! Hurry, it’s about to start.”

Bernd didn’t need to be told twice. He dumped his backpack in the hallway and headed to the living room. “Hey, James!”

“Hey!” James patted a spot on the sofa next to him and Bernd sat down. They were joined by Cesare, who got the platter of wings from the kitchen. He set it down next to the bowls of ranch dressing and celery.

“You guys want a beer?” Cesare asked. “I’m up and I want one…”

“Please?” James and Bernd said in unison.

Cesare rolled his eyes and grumbled just under his breath. “Fine.” He headed back in the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with three beers. Ashes the cat sauntered in behind him. He smelled the chicken and wanted some.

“Meow.” Ashes came over to rub against their legs.

“Hey, Ashes!” Bernd reached down to scratch behind his ears.

“Don’t encourage him! He begs like a dog!” Cesare grumbled.

“He does not,” James said. “He knows he’s a cat.”

Cesare rolled his eyes. “Quiet! Sharknado’s starting!”

Bernd grinned and reached for a wing. He dipped it in the ranch dressing, before eating it. “Where’s Julio?”

“Out with his girlfriend,” James said. He reached for a wing and ate it.

“Oh.” Bernd tossed the bones in the bucket they had for that purpose. He grabbed another wing and chowed down on it.

James and Cesare also ate, while Ashes watched. The cat wanted some chicken and was put out by the fact that everyone was ignoring him. He meowed piteously at them, hoping for a taste. The fact that the chicken was covered in hot sauce and smelled funny, was beside the point. It was chicken. Ashes rubbed against Bernd’s legs and meowed again.

“Can I give him some?”

“No! I have some without sauce for him if he gets to be a big pain in the ass,” James said.

“Yeah,” Cesare said. “Bad enough he begs every time we have chicken.”

“Amber said he loves it.”

“He does, Bernd,” James said, “but the hot sauce is bad for him.”

“Okay.” Bernd looked at the cat. “Go away.”

Ashes sat down. “Mew.” He licked his paw.

Bernd ignored him. The movie had come back from commercial, and grabbing another wing, he ate it.

Cesare muttered just under his breath at the TV. He had seen it before and he knew what was going to happen, but that still did not stop him from voicing his opinion, however softly. He ate another wing and also helped himself to a celery stalk dipped in ranch dressing.

Ashes put his forepaws out and stretched. He yawned and when he stood up straight, he flicked his tail. If these stupid hairless cats were not going to share, he was going to take matters into his own paws. He sniffed the air along the coffee table, and finding the general area of the wings; he stealthily reared up on his hind legs and snagged a wing. It fell to the floor.

“Ashes! What are you doing?” James said distractedly. Like everyone else, he was more focused on the TV than the cat.

Ashes crouched low and bit into the wing. He quickly spat it out. It tasted as funny as it smelled and not only that; it burned. He made a few gagging noises as he shook his head.

“Are you coughing up another hairball?” Cesare briefly glanced down at the cat.

Ashes took another bite and hissed. For some reason this chicken burned and the poor cat had no idea why. He looked up at the tray again. Ashes tried again to snag another piece of the strange chicken.

Bernd happened to reach for another wing at the same time. He tried to grab the tray, but wound up pushing it towards the cat instead. Ashes nearly had a wing too, but startled by Bernd, he somehow managed to flip the tray over, sending the chicken flying.

“DAMN IT!!” Cesare cried. It was like the hell breaking out in the movie was breaking out in their living room. He groaned as he got up to pick up the mess.

“Don’t yell at him!” James protested. He also got up, but he went to go find Ashes, in case the silly cat had snagged a wing. He knew if the cat managed to swallow a chicken bone and had it get stuck in his throat, and Amber found out, his ass was toast.

Bernd sat there, beer in one hand, his eyes wide at the scene of destruction before him that mirrored the one on TV. He did not know whether to chase Ashes like James, or go help Cesare, who was loudly cursing in Italian. “I’m sorry?”

Ashes ran around the room, knocking things over in his attempt at escaping the evil chicken and James. He leapt onto Bernd’s lap, and digging his claws in, he tried climbing up his torso. He let out a loud yowl that would have done one of his larger, wilder cousins proud when Bernd tried pushing him away.

“Grab him!!”

“SHIT!!” Bernd swore. He grabbed the cat and hung on, despite Ashes trying to dismember him with his claws. “Fuck, James!! This HURTS!”

Seconds later Bernd’s ordeal was over. Ashes was not as lucky as James carried him over to the kitchen sink while Cesare tended to Bernd’s scratches. Grabbing the cat by the scruff of the neck with one hand, James turned on the kitchen sink with the other. Luckily it was not full of dishes, so he had room to plunk the hot sauce covered cat in it. He did his best to wash the stuff off, which was hard as Ashes was out for blood. Not that James blamed the cat, he did get a bit of a fright, and he hoped Ashes learned his lesson and would leave chicken in any form alone. James somehow doubted it when Ashes hissed at him. Grabbing a kitchen towel, he dried the cat off and let him go.

Ashes shook like a dog and sprinted to his favorite hiding spot. Once there, he sat and cleaned his fur. Having had enough excitement for one day, he curled up and went to sleep.

The three friends sat back on the sofa, a beer in hand, to watch the end of the movie. Bernd was covered in Band-Aids and James had a few scratches of his own on the back of his hand and wrist that he covered up with several Band-Aids. Only Cesare had escaped unscathed. He looked over at his friends.

“You chooches, look like you were battling sharks.” Cesare sipped his beer.

James snorted and helped himself to the nachos.

“I feel like I battled a shark,” Bernd said. “Amber’s going to think I got the shit beat out of me or something.”

“Yeah, by a cat!” James laughed.

Cesare also laughed. “You’re such a pussy! Must be why she likes you!” he teased.

Bernd blushed. “Yeah…” he said sheepishly. “Ssh!! They’re almost up to the part where the shark falls out of the sky and eats her!” He pointed at the TV with his beer.


They sat there, enjoying the end of the movie. When it was over, James called and ordered a pizza. Sharknado 2 was about to start and now that the wings were gone, they needed more food. Everyone hoped that things would quiet down so they could watch it in peace…


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 30th, 2016 06:18 pm (UTC)
LOL. Poor Ashes.
Jul. 30th, 2016 06:38 pm (UTC)
I know, right? XD I'd say he got his revenge, ne? ;P
Jul. 30th, 2016 06:41 pm (UTC)
Yup! As all cats eventually do. ^_^
Jul. 30th, 2016 06:55 pm (UTC)
Yeah! :D
Nov. 27th, 2016 09:57 pm (UTC)
Cats: MUCH more dangerous than sharks. Heh!
Nov. 27th, 2016 11:06 pm (UTC)
Yup! ;P
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


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