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Cross-posted from Big Pretzel

Title: (Not So) Scary Stories
Author: kira
Genre: slice of life
Characters: Castiel, Dean, Sam
Pairing: none
Rating: G
Word count: 1534
Warning/Spoilers: none
Summary: The Boys and Cas are hanging out in the bunker telling “scary” stories as they celebrate Halloween….
Author’s Note: Thanks to my beta Kat for reading this over for me.
Author’s Note 2: Thanks to just_ruth for the pic of Cas and a cat that inspired this fic. Pic can be found here: http://spn-bigpretzel.livejournal.com/987814.html
Disclaimer: Don’t own Supernatural; wish I did!

They were sitting in the bunker, drinking beer, when Dean, in an attempt at getting them into the Halloween spirit, suggested they tell scary stories. Castiel, after a few questions, volunteered to go first. Dean grabbed a beer from the bucket on the table and settled back to listen. Sam also grabbed a cold one and waited patiently for the Angel to begin.

After rambling on for several minutes, Castiel finally got to the point of his story. “So after hanging out with Gabriel and Balthazar, I woke up in this strange place, that I later found out was the city of Kolkata. Anyway, I was wandering through the streets,” he said as the Winchesters listened with rapt attention. Castiel paused, before going off on a tangent. “I was saddened by the poor and those who were sick, so I ummm…” He leaned forward and gave the Winchesters his best conspiratorial look and said, “I went around curing as many as I could without attracting attention.”

Dean drank his beer. He set the bottle down and said, “We’re supposed to be telling scary stories, Cas, because it’s Halloween.” He grinned.

“It was scary, Dean. I got mobbed, groped, robbed, urinated on by an old man who said he was a holy man, and nearly gored by an angry cow,” Castiel said.

Dean laughed as the look of confusion on the Angel’s face was priceless.

“He’s got you there, Dean,” Sam quickly said. Turning his attention back to Castiel, he said, “You were in Kolkata curing people…” He nodded.

“And umm, well, I got out of the city as fast as I could. I was lost and alone, Dean,” Castiel said, emphasizing the words “alone” and “lost.”

“That can be scary,” Dean said, conceding the point.

“And I was trying to find my brothers and when I asked our Holy Father for help, instead of answering me,” Castiel paused to drink his beer, “a cat appeared in front of me.”

“Was it a black cat?” Dean grinned. He sipped his beer and Sam shook his head at him.

“No.” Castiel frowned. “It was a white cat with a grey striped ear and she had a grey striped spot on her butt and a grey striped tail. And she led to this temple. I got all excited because it’s a holy place and what better place to get a boost for in signal to our Heavenly Father. Anyway, as she was leading me there, the cat told me that if I ever meet the Buddha on the road I should just jump in his lap.”

“Did you jump in his lap?”

“No, Dean. When I met the Buddha in Heaven, it turned out it was Gabriel playing a trick on me. And it was before I knew you were supposed to jump in his lap.”


Sam watched their interplay. From Castiel’s dead seriousness to Dean’s gentle teasing, it was hard not to roll his eyes. He did snort out a little laugh as the look on his brother’s face was priceless. Sam quickly covered it up with a cough and a swig of beer. “And?”

“Ummm…” Castiel paused to gather his thoughts. “So we entered the temple and you’ll never believe what was there.”

“Let me guess! A giant statue of Buddha?” Dean grinned and drank his beer.

Castiel frowned. “How’d you know?”

“Just a wild guess, Cas. So anyway…” Dean motioned with his beer bottle for Castiel to finish his story.

“The cat jumped on his lap. The Buddha was sitting and umm, even though I knew it was a graven image, I felt compelled to try it as the cat said it was peaceful and she was right.”

Dean choked on a mouthful of beer as the urge to laugh at the mental image he had was too great.

“Are you alright?”

“He’s fine, Cas,” Sam said as he patted his brother on the back. “So what happened?”

I had fallen asleep with the cat and when I woke up there were a lot of angry people shouting at me. I think they were speaking in tongues, Sam.”

“It’s possible,” Sam said with equal seriousness to Castiel, which had Dean coughing and laughing again.

“And umm… I think he was a policeman, I’m not sure, but he had this thick wooden stick with him and he whacked me with it and before I could smite him, my brothers came and saved me. I was willing to risk God’s displeasure over destroying his creations because that hurt.”

Castiel had such a pained expression on his face that both brothers could not help laughing.

“I’m sorry, Cas, We didn’t mean to laugh, but the way you said it-” Sam began.

“Was funny!” Dean finished.


“So ummm, in the spirit of things, I have a scary story for your listening pleasure,” Sam said.


Sam nodded at Castiel.

“Sssh… This ought to be good, Cas.” Dean nodded at his brother to continue.

Sam nodded back. He smiled and leaned back in his chair. “We were on the road again, coming back from a hunt in Ohio and we’re hungry as we haven’t eaten all day.” Sam finished his beer and reached for another one. “So we’re driving through town and find a Hooter’s and Dean’s eyes light up.”

“Oh, you’re not going to tell him that story.” Dean groaned.

Sam grinned. “It was scary, trust me, I was there, Dean. So uh, we stop at this Hooters and the place is packed. It’s Saturday night, there’s a game on the TV, and the place is hopping. We were lucky to find a parking spot, that’s how full it is. So we go inside, and we get the last table;, way in the back, near the kitchen, not that my brother minded as there was a parade of waitresses going in and out.”

Castiel nodded. “Dean took me to a Hooter’s once.” He cocked his head to the side. “I still don’t get how those women were hot, when they had on those skimpy little outfits.” He shrugged.

Sam shot Dean a look and shook his head. “Anyway, the hostess showed us to our seats us and gave us our menus and we sat there, waiting for our waitress.”

“And she came over, we ordered, we ate, enjoyed the scenery,” Dean waggled his eyebrows at Castiel, “and left.”

“Dean,” Sam said, “Who’s telling this story? Me or you?”

“I believe Sam’s telling it, Dean,” Castiel said.

Sam gestured towards the Angel and went on with his story. “So my brother’s nose deep in the menu and our waitress comes over and Dean never looks up from the menu, mind you,” Sam grinned, “and he starts flirting with her.”

Dean groaned, prompting Castiel to shoot him a worried look. He knew what was coming next and it was not his finest hour, but he recovered nicely and she did give them excellent service. He finished his beer and grabbed another.

“And when he finally does look up, the look on his face was priceless when he realized she was this little old lady.” Sam chuckled.

“She wasn’t just any little old lady, Cas. She was stacked.” Dean held his hands up to his chest like he was hold a pair of huge breasts and winked knowingly at Castiel.

“A little lower, Dean.” Sam smirked.

Dean moved his hands closer to his waist. “She must have been really hot when she was younger. She had some set of legs on her too.”

Sam nodded. “She did.”

Castiel nodded.

“You know, Sammy, when you got up to go to the bathroom, she gave me her number.”

Sam laughed. “Now that’s scary!”

“Not as scary as me thanking her and promising her I’d look her up next time we passed through.”

The Winchesters laughed. Castiel wore a pained expression on his face as he tried to figure out what was so funny.

“I’ll explain later, Cas.” Dean set his empty beer bottle down and rubbed his hands together. “Now it’s my turn.” He grinned. “And I could tell you a story about alligator wrestling in the bayou with Benny, or I could tell you the one about me, Crowley, and the strippers we met in Vegas.” Dean winked. “But I think I’ll tell you about the time Dad took us to the circus and this clown came over to Sammy and he wet himself and Dad had to buy him an adult t-shirt so he’d have something dry to-.”

“Dean,” Sam growled.

“Dean, clowns are very scary. It has something to do with their exaggerated features,” Castiel said.

The Winchester brothers looked at him like he suddenly sprouted another head.

“I read it on the internet. Sam showed me how to use it. That’s how I found that site you like, Dean, with all the naked women.”

“Uh, yeah,” Dean said. He could feel his cheeks heating, even though he was very unabashed when it came to looking at porn.

“It’s very useful for gathering information and watching cat videos.” Castiel, who had been nursing his beer, drank some.

Sam and Dean exchanged glances.

“Now that’s scary,” Dean said.



the Duchess of Crack! and the Queen of Fluff

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