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gift fic for Vexed :D

Weasel-puke coffee

By kira

For Vexed-chan who lent me the Kitsune again and for finding the stuff that inspired this fic…

Author’s note: Weasel puke coffee is real, believe or not. XD Special thanks also go out to my beta, Jen for pinking this and polishing it until it shined.

The Jakotsu doll (I so want one) also belongs to Vexed, I’m just borrowing it along with the kitsune. ;p

While the others were sitting around the campfire, planning their next attack against the remains of the Shichinintai and Naraku, Shippou was going through Kagome’s backpack. It was a treasure trove of treats. Even though the object of his desire, Jakotsu, shared them with that weasel, Bankotsu, the kitsune was sure he loved the little gifts and appreciated the thought behind them. After all, Jakotsu, or rather the weasel, did go through the trouble of finding a doll, or having one made, that looked exactly like the undead cross-dresser.

So when his hand came in contact with a smooth, somewhat slick feeling package, Shippou pulled it and looked at it. Trying hard not to giggle at the picture of a weasel on the one side, he turned it over and stared blankly at the strange writing on it. That’s right! It’s some weasel puke stuff you mix with water like tea and drink it for the energy it gives you! Giggling, he cast a quick look over his shoulder at the others, before stuffing it inside his furry vest. Grabbing a few lollipops when Kirara mewled inquisitively at him, Shippou quickly reached inside the yellow backpack and pulled out her catnip mouse. Once the little fire-cat was blissfully playing with it, he snuck away from camp.


Jakotsu lay back in the grass, watching the clouds drift by, while eating a lollipop, as Bankotsu paced back and forth at his feet.

“Where’s the lil runt? He said he’d be here by now!” Bankotsu grumbled. After giving Shippou the doll, the ecstatic little kitsune promised to bring them a really good treat as thanks.

Sitting up and, taking the lollipop from his mouth, the undead cross-dresser replied, “I don’t know… But I’m sure he’ll be here soon. Hmmm…” He licked the lollipop. “That stupid miko is pain in the ass; maybe she wouldn’t give him any more of these sweets on a stick. Or she hid that bag of shit and he had trouble finding it…”

“Yeah…” Taking a deep breath that filled his cheeks, Bankotsu slowly blew it out. His paramour giggled when he sat down next to him.

“Don’t worry, Aniki-chan, he’ll be here soon.” Jakotsu sucked on his sweet treat as he put his arm around his equally undead leader. Looking over at him, Jakotsu removed the lollipop from his mouth again, before leaning in and giving Bankotsu a sticky kiss on the cheek. “And I’m sure he’ll bring you something really good this time.” He giggled at the memory of the chocolate bar that had a laxative effect on his poor lover.


“Nothing…” the cross-dresser said airily, waving his lollipop in the air, before popping it back in his mouth.

“Doesn’t sound like nothing,” Bankotsu replied a bit testily.

“Well, I was just thinking about that funny chocolate Shippou gave you.”

“Don’t remind me…”

“I did share mine with you when you felt better and you did like that pretty red fundoshi he gave me,” the cross-dresser said huskily. He slid the left side of his kimono up, exposing his hip and a bit of red lace.

“That’s true.” The young undead leader of the Shichinintai reached out to caress his paramour’s hip. Smirking, he playfully pulled on the elastic band, snapping it.

“Hey!” Jakotsu cried as his lover pounced.


Shippou arrived at the meeting place, the bag of coffee in hand along with pot to make it in and a bamboo flask of water. He also had a vial of cherry flavored lip-gloss for the cross-dresser tucked safely away in his kimono. Growling softly when he saw them, he was sorely tempted to give into his jealously and whack the weasel in the head with pot, but the thought of hurting his beloved Jakotsu, stayed his hand. Instead, he walked over to them and coughed loudly.


“Shippou!” the cross-dresser squealed, and pushing Bankotsu off of him, he sat up. “Whatchya got?”

“I got something for the- uh, Bankotsu. It’s a special energy drink. Kagome says it’s very expensive.”

“Yeah?” Bankotsu got up and eyed the kit warily.

“Yeah… you just take some of this stuff and boil it in water, I think…”

“Oh… here, let me see.” The undead mercenary held out his hand for the bag of coffee.

Shippou handed it to Bankotsu. The undead leader of the Shichinintai made a big show of examining the bag. While trying to decipher the instructions on how to make it, he asked, “Why’s this shit called ‘weasel puke coffee?’”

“I don’t know… I think the weasels in Kagome’s village make the best and most energy filled drinks,” Shippou relied. The way Bankotsu looked at him, he was sure the undead mercenary knew something was up.

“But puke?” Bankotsu made a face.

“Maybe ‘puke’ in the stupid miko’s village doesn’t mean vomit,” Jakotsu added helpfully as Shippou breathed a tiny sigh of relief. The kit knew if he was not already in love with the undead cross-dresser, he would have been at that moment as his statement seemed to mollify the weasel.

After several minutes arguing and fussing they had a small fire going and a vain attempt at making coffee brewing in the pot.


The first cup was given to Bankotsu. He eyed it suspiciously; however, with his companions watching him expectantly, he had no other choice in the matter but to drink. He took a cautious sip. The drink was bitter and gritty.

“How is it, Aniki-chan?”

“It’s okay…”

“Yeah? Then drink up!” Jakotsu said.

The young undead leader of the Shichinintai hesitated. The first sip had tasted awful and he was sure if he drank more he would be puking like the weasels that made the coffee, whatever that was. Sighing softly Bankotsu drank another mouthful. “Hmmm…” he said, his face contorting into a strained smile as he desperately wanted to spit it out, instead of drinking it. Summoning up his courage, Bankotsu swallowed. “Gooood…” he drawled through gritted teeth.

“Can I try it, Aniki-chan?”

“Yeah…” Bankotsu eagerly handed his paramour the cup of coffee.

Jakotsu took the cup and sipped it. He made a face and quickly handed it back.

“You like?” the undead leader of the Shichinintai asked.

“Hell no!” The cross-dresser spat. “It tastes like shit.”

They stared at Shippou and the little kit gulped. He tried to slowly back away, but Bankotsu was quicker and grabbed him before he could scamper away. “Let’s go see if she’s got something better in that bag of hers.”

Shippou nodded. “Okay!” he squeaked.


Sauntering into the camp like they owned the place, Bankotsu chucked the bag of coffee at Inuyasha. “You can have your shit back!”

He jumped to his feet, but before he could say anything, Jakotsu cooed, “Hi, Inuyasha!”

The hanyou flinched as the undead leader of the Shichinintai chuckled. “Just give us the bag of stuff and you can have the…” he looked over at his paramour and the kit, “kid back.”

“NO!!” Jakotsu wailed. “I thought you said I could keep him, Aniki-chan!” He held onto Shippou like he never wanted to let go and the kit just ate it up.

Bankotsu rolled his eyes. Ignoring his paramour’s outburst, he faced off against Inuyasha while the hanyou’s companions readied themselves in case they were needed. They traded insults back forth and in the verbal melee, Shippou and Jakotsu made their way over to Kagome’s backpack. The little kitsune rifled through it, dumping the unwanted items haphazardly on the ground, while handing the so called “good stuff” to the undead cross-dresser.

“Ooh…” Jakotsu said as a brightly colored bit of fabric was tossed to the side. “What’s that?”

“It’s one of those fundoshi, you know like the red one I gave you.”

The undead cross-dresser’s eyes lit up. “Yeah? Can I have it?”

Shippou handed him the panties. Jakotsu held them up and smiled. They were a pretty pale pink and were covered with a pattern of light blue butterflies. “It’s beautiful…” He sighed. “Hey, Aniki-chan! Look at the new fundoshi I found!” he called out happily, holding up the panties. “You like it better than the red one I have on?”

All eyes turn to him.

Kagome blinked. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks when she realized he was holding up, for all to see, her new underwear that she got on her last trip through the well. Not only that, he was probably wearing the pair she had accused Inuyasha of stealing. Panting, she worked herself up so much that a loud shrill screech escaped her lips. “HE’S GOT MY PANTIES!!” she wailed. When everyone turned to look at her she burst into tears.

Jakotsu’s eyes went wide. He blinked several times, his lower lips trembling. He was wearing the miko’s clothing, and not only that, it was on his most intimate of areas. Leaping to his feet, the undead cross-dresser, cried, “Take it off!!” He fumbled with the folds of his kimono until he exposed the offending red panties. “Aniki-chan!!” He wailed.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Sango and Kagome yelled as they covered their eyes, while Inuyasha looked he was ready to explode at the undead mercenaries’ audacity. The monk did not look too happy either.

Bankotsu stood there, trying hard not to laugh at the turn of events.


“Leave it, Jakotsu!” The undead mercenary smirked. “You’ve got something that’s touched the stupid bitch in a place they can only dream of, and they’re probably jealous of you too,” he said as he strolled over to his paramour.

The undead cross-dresser sniffed. “Yeah?”

“Yup! Now let’s just take the candies and go… I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of them for one day.” He bent down to retrieve the candy Jakotsu dropped. Picking it up, he handed some to his paramour, before standing.

“Yeah…” Jakotsu sniffed.

Looking over his shoulder, he grinned cockily at the others and said, “Besides, I think those pan-tees probably look better on you than her anyway!”

The two undead mercenaries laughed. Throwing an arm around his paramour, they walked back to their camp.

“Shippou, how could you?” Kagome cried as Inuyasha glared menacingly at him.

Looking up at the angry faces of his friends, Shippou tittered nervously, before turning tail and, running after Bankotsu and Jakotsu. “Hey, guys! Wait for me!” he squeaked.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 15th, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much
Kira that is the best. So wonderfully done.

I love Ban's cheeky attitude. He does only put up with Shippo because of the gifts and fear of Jak smothering him in his sleep, or no nookie.

This was just wonderfully so funny and just spot on.

I just love it.
Sep. 15th, 2009 08:34 pm (UTC)
Re: Thank you so much
*blushes* Thanks, Vexed! I was hoping you wouldn't find it until; after I posted it over at holidays. It's my gift to you there. *huggles* I'm really glad you liked it though! *huggles*

YAY! She loves it!!

(I'll have soenmthing for your bday too... it might be late, cuz I ahve soem stuff for FA I need to do & the Jewish holidyas start thsi weekend. So I hope you don't mind waiting. ^^;)
Sep. 15th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
Re: Thank you so much
AWww sorry for peeking early.

It made me :D! This is so great!
I will comment over there as well.

I will never turn down something you wrote for any reason , but don't stress over timing.

I hope you have a good holiday.

I am still giggling over your fic.

Sep. 15th, 2009 08:41 pm (UTC)
Re: Thank you so much
That's oaky. *huggles* I was trying to get it up over at ff. I usually do that first, but thsi time i didn't. Since my journal is friends only, if anyoen wants to read ti that isn't a friend, they can.

I'm soooo glad you liked it! I had a lot of fun with this one. XD

Thank you, it's the Jewish New Year this weekend, so it;'s a good fun holiday. :D

I'm glad! :D
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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